June 29, 2007

Blogging on Trev's questions

Once again I am following the herd but if Wisconsin, Iowa and Michigan can answer Trev's questions there is no reason to keep Gopher Nation out of the party...

I won't lie to you, the responses from the other Big Ten teams (linked above) are pretty funny. I'm unimaginative and boring but read it anyway.

Give the more zealous portion of your fanbase a religion. What's this cult following? Feel free to give the splitters a derogatory nickname.

Gopher fans are pretty much split into 2 categories both are extremely zealous (and by extremely I mean not at all). Category 1 are the Combine Crazies. This group is made up of old farmers who either attended school at the St. Paul campus to learn to farm. or they didn't attend the U but they listen to the games on WCCO while harvesting their crops. Category 2 I'll call the Carlson Crazies. This group attended the Carlson School of Business, live in the suburbs and attend the U games because it is a much cheaper season ticket package than the other local major sports. Both groups are passive aggressive. Minnesota Nice to your face but love to rip the coach/team when discussing Da Gohfers at the grain elevator or Starbucks (respectively).

Your biggest rival is in town, and College Gameday is coming....to your citaaaaaaay... Create a blatant corporate sellout promotion to appeal to the mass unwashed.

Let's see... a Goldy bobble head? Already done. Make people buy tickets to North Dakota State if they want to go see Wisconsin or Iowa? Already done.

Stadium Giveaway - hand out loud noisemakers that will play the MN Rouser or say "Go Gophers!" Sounds lame, but this way maybe the Metrodome will appear to have more Gopher fans than Badger or Hawkeye fans. If all else fails maybe the U can borrow the Viking's old crowd noise CD.

Add one local delicacy to your stadium's concessions. Post-tax pricing is optional.

Badger-on-a-stick! Hawkeye meat sounds good but it is usually OVERRATED!

With an unlimited AD budget, add or subtract one thing to your school's gameday experience that has nothing to do with football.

What exactly is a gameday experience? This term is unfamiliar to me. How about a new stadium, on campus. 2009, I can't wait!

Coin a hilariously unrealistic stereotype that you would like to "make stick" for this upcoming season.

Wisconsin students DON'T have a drinking problem.
Iowa student's siblings are NOT also their cousins.
Lou Holtz is NOT a backstabbing, selfish SOB who should rot for all eternity in the depths of all despair. (sorry, got a little emotional there).

Redesign your conference or independent schedule with reckless abandon. Be prepared to include compensation for jilted schools and conferences in your explanation.

I don't care who is out (probably Northwestern) but if we are going to be the Big Ten, then I think it would be a novel idea to have 10 teams. This greatly confuses the folks in Iowa City. I would love to see 10 teams and put all 9 opponents on your schedule. I know this makes for a few quirks to work out but not playing 2 teams is ridiculous. Even if you only play 8 of the 9 and miss 1 team at least that's an improvement.

Following up on your new realignment, blow up the BCS and devise a national playoff system, money grabs and missed exams be damned. Using your new fantasy conferences is optional.

BCS sucks so much. Minnesota hasn't been within 30 teams of sniffing the BCS but even I can see it is a complete joke. 12 team tournament. Give the 6 major conference winners an auto bid and 4 of them get a 1st round bye. Then you have 6 at large berths. 5 weeks playoffs with the semis and finals rotating around the current BCS Bowls (one gets shafted every 4th year to a quarter final game).

Really I don't care how it is aligned, get a real playoff for college football! It is ridiculous and embarrassing that the champion is computed by averaging the votes of various groups of people. Let the winner be decided on the field. And let the Boise States, Rutgers and Louisville's of the world have a shot. The Boise State comeback over Oklahoma last year was exciting but it was utterly meaningless. Now if that was to get into the Football Final Four, that game goes down in history and puts Boise State on the map for more than just having a blue field that kills birds.

Elect one public figure to replace NCAA president Myles Brand. Anyone with proper name recognition is eligible.

George Bush. His style of crony-ism, nepotism and mismanagement of pretty much everything he touches would be a dramatic improvement over the current NCAA leadership. If Bush isn't up for it I would throw out there Jeff Skilling, Rosie O'Donnell, Paris Hilton or Kevin McHale as candidates who would be an improvement.


Hawkeye State said...

Our students' drinking problems don't even warrant a mention? I can't wait to call my brother/cousin/aunt and tell him/her/it of this travesty!

Thanks for the shout-out. See ya at Minny-NDSU.

Tom said...

sorry, I figured Wisconsin is better known for their drinking (and by drinking I mean sniffing paint thinner) habits more than Iowa. But I'm sure plenty of corn based alcohol is consumed in Iowa City.

Chris said...

Add or subtract one thing from the gameday experience?

SUBTRACTION: Get rid of that obnoxious American Eagle promo that they run once or twice during the game. You the one where they start bumping a played out pop-rock song laced with fake crowd noise over the PA system, then they throw a couple gift cards to the student section.

ADDITION: I would like the stadium DJ to bump Public Enemy's "Welcome to the Terrordome" at every opportunity. You know, because we play in a dome (I know the Metrodome at only 75% capacity isn't too terrifying, but if you can dream it, you can do it).

Fest said...

I started a blog at buckysfaithful.blogspot.com about the Badgers. Check it out and link it. Thanks.